Saturday, July 26, 2008


Good morning, world. My name is Regina, and I am in the midst of a "back-to-the-land" midlife crisis -- thus Regina Terrae, the nickname given me by my spiritual director. The other, more important part of my little "crisis" is a more intense dedication to God (thus the spiritual director).

I left my 19-year job as a bureaucrat almost a year ago, at the time firmly convinced that I would enter a convent of cloistered Benedictine nuns who support themselves in large part by farming. Now that I've made the jump I am much less stressed about the future, much more trusting in God, and I realize that security was a significant part of the attraction to the convent. But I still want to live my life for God ... I MUST, I can't stand to live a mediocre, unexamined life, it drives me into depression and I don't want to go back down there again. To be happy I have to immerse myself in God; He makes me become more than I thought I could be, and less, too, in that I can shed the meaningless, unnecessary ornaments that I used to mistake for real aspects of my identity, discovering my Transcendent Self.

Lately, I am drawn more and more to the solitary life, and having recently discovered that the Church (Catholic, that is) now officially sanctions and consecrates what it calls Hermits, I am excitedly exploring that path. Why do I care if my lifestyle is officially sanctioned and consecrated? Because as a consecrated woman I could have the Blessed Sacrament in my own little chapel tabernacle. I could, as it were, cohabitate with my beloved Spouse.

Meanwhile I have a house in town, with attendant mortgage, that needs dealing with. So here I am, on my little half acre in the city, with my little vegetable garden and 5 chickens, my books and my prayers, trying to figure all this out. I attend Mass and meet with my spiritual director at a local Benedictine monastery, where I also work a few hours each week as a secretary to help cover my bills. I work a few hours also at the local food coop to help with the grocery bills, and am learning to spend less money since I gave up the 6-figure income. Preparation for that vow of poverty.

I am not good at keeping a journal. I hope that I will keep it better online, but we shall see. Bear with me. Maybe if people stumble across this blog and post comments it will encourage me. I am not an exhibitionist, and I won't blog about absolutely every thought that crosses my mind. But I am willing to share my spiritual journey in case it inspires someone else who is teetering on the edge of "yes, Lord", and in my confidence that if it's not worth reading, this blog will remain obscure anyway. The Internet is amazing that way.

I will start with what's on my mind today, in a separate post. I'm not going to write my whole autobiography here, if something lacks context and you want to understand it, feel free to ask questions in the comments. Or just wait and see how it unfolds.

Blessings upon all who happen upon this blog, and then especially, blessings to those who don't -- because they can't afford a computer, can't get internet access or the electricity to run it, or can't read or write. Let us keep the poor always in our prayers.

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