Friday, April 3, 2009


I ended my last post, a couple of hours ago, saying that I was going to go out into the back yard, miserable in the throes of PMS (PMDD). I did, and so glad I did.

I took a book & a cup of wine out to the picnic table (yes, I know I said I gave up wine for Lent. I gave up computer games, too, and haven't managed it). The chickens came over to hang out with me, so I put the book down -- I wasn't really into it, anyway, the chickens are much more interesting. It was mostly cloudy, actually, and quite breezy, so I put on a jacket -- but it is decidedly spring-like weather, nothing like winter.

I ended up sitting out there for an hour or so, letting go of every thought, just enjoying the wind and the cloud forms and the birds, the cherry tree and tulip magnolia next door and the big weeping willow in my own yard, and the bigger oaks and catalpas and maples that haven't yet leafed out. Went up to get my breviary and prayed Vespers in the back yard.

Came back in, switched from wine to herb tea, washed the dishes so tomorrow morning will start off fresh, and came to post this -- what a peaceful time, the silence -- interior silence, openness, presentness.

I so want to be a hermit ... anyway, I am at my Lord's service. I trust Him to get me through this insecurity, and to show me the way I am to go. Well, I trust with some reservations, still -- Lord, help my lack of trust! But I will to trust, I will to depend on Him, I will to be His, entirely. Peacefully, simply.

OK, good night, now -- going back out on the porch with my cup of Sleepytime tea, then to pray Compline by 9:00, and into bed early.

Blessings to all who stop by here.

Regina Terrae

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